ROCKSTAR-pickup

How to really like yourself and build self-esteem.

March 14, 2010

Tags: Affirmations, Brian Tracy, Confidence, Mindsets, self-concept, Self-esteem, Self-ideal, Self-image, social pressure
Posted in: Self help, Various tips

Hola!

I wrote The Confident Man – article the other day and this is sort of a follow up.

I gave you something to model – the confident mans behavior.

I will dig deeper in this post.

This post will be about your self concept, you will learn why you’re conserned about what others think of you, you will learn how to like yourself and how to build self-esteem.

Is that great or what?!

When you’re picking up women, you can’t go along feeling inferior, unworthy or undeserving. You can’t be stopped by the fear you feel for social pressure. The women will know just by looking at you, and wooops, they’re off to find or be found by a more confident man.

If loosing the girl isn’t enough, low self-esteem will  lead to stress, pessimism, fearfulness, self-doubt and negativity.

If you don’t like yourself you will struggle to get other people to like you. No wonder…How can you expect to be liked if you don’t even like yourself?

I have two good news for you though.

1. You will always have the love from your mother.

2 . It’s possible to learn how to like yourself by keep reading this post and make a commitment to get this part of your life fixed asap.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

A huge mindset in pickup is “I don’t care what other people think about me”, because social pressure have to be dealt with and people who are comfortable under social pressure are attractive to women.

If you like a person, do you care what other people think of him? Me neither. I KNOW he’s a cool guy, I know I like him and nothing a person say can change that.

It’s the same when you like yourself! That’s core confidence!

So why are we so insecure about our self that we need others constant approval to feel good?

When you were a kid you quickly learned that if you didn’t do what your mum and dad expected of you, they would withdraw their love and approval, they would be angry and all negative about it. They would criticize and condemn, maybe even punish you physically to get you to do what they want.

So did a lot of other important people in your life. As the years passed by, your self-image, the way you see yourself and think about yourself, became more and more dependent upon the way you thought others saw you and thought about you. No wonder so many people get hypersensitive to the way people treats them and talks to them. Have you ever adjusted your behavior to get other people to like you, respect you or approve of you? I know I have.

Low self-esteem manifests itself into fear of rejection. Fear of rejection is NOT something you’re borned with, you learn it. When you were born you only had two fears: 1. The fear of falling and 2. the fear of loud noises. All the other fears you have in your life is learned by society.

To a greater or lesser degree, we all have fears and conserns about how people think about us. It’s normal. But some people care less. You know why? Because they are confident! They like them self! They know what they value and why, they know who they are.

Before I go into the steps to what you can do to change your self-image and self-esteem, I’ll explain the self-consept to you. Well, I’m not going to do it, I’ll let the seminar leader and author Brian Tracy do it instead(big influence on this article ):

Your self-concept is made up of three parts, each of which affects the others[...]

Your self-ideal is the person you most want to be, sometime in the future. Your self-ideal determines the directions of your life, of your growth and evolution as a person. Your self-image, on the other hand, determines the way you perform in the present. Your self-image is the way you see yourself now, today, at this moment. Your self-esteem is largely determined by the relationship between your self-image and your self-ideal, or the way you are performing in your day-to-day activities compared with the way you would be performing if you were the very best person you could possible be.

So to like yourself you have to be or act as your self-ideal. You see?

Sit down and find a pen and paper or do it on your computer. The hell with it, just tattoo it on your forehead.

SIX STEPS to like yourself and get better self-esteem

1. Find out who your self-ideal is. For example: Being positive, valuegiver, respectful, well fit. A tip is to picture yourself at your own funeral – how would you like people to remember you?

2. Write down what you can start doing to become that person.

For example: Being a valuegiver: I’m going to treat other people as though they are very valuable; I will do my best to make their day better, I will talk positive about others, even though they might not deserve it at all times. I will be generous with compliments. I’m going to try to see things from their perspective. And so on. And start DOING IT too, don’t just say you will, but do it.

3. Act as if you are your self-ideal, remember motion creates emotion – all actions have reactions: Make small steps, but make a commitment to actually do it every day. It’ll take about 21 days to establish a habit. This should be your aim. Do it as a mission for at least 21 days.

This will shorten the gap between your self-ideal and your self-image and you will start to like your self better:) One day you will BE you self-ideal.

4. Do the things you fear. Repeatedly. Feel the fear and do it anyway (title of a book on the subject). This is called “systematic desensitization”. It’s the best way to grow confidence and balls in any area of life. Fears are unlearned by repeated acts of courage in opposition to the responses of fear.- Brian Tracy. And one more thing: Rejection is NOT personal!

5. Never give up! If you fall off the horse, get your ass back up there. Never EVER give up. Be proud of your self for not giving up, knowing that failure is not real before you have given up. Failure is what you learn from. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work – Thomas A. Edison. And when you finally manage it, nothing will make you feel more confident. Positive experiences/outcomes builds self-esteem like nothing else.

6. Do affirmations every day.

Strangers are just extras in the movie about your life, so why give a damn about what others think of you, right?

Good luck pal!

Much love,

Fredrik Worren

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