ROCKSTAR-pickup

Openers/Conversational Starters (part 1/7)

March 29, 2010

Tags: Attraction, congruence, Openers
Posted in: Openers/conversational starters

Hey hey, my fellow cockstars!

You will now get a series of posts about openers( conversational starters). I know I loved to read about openers when I first started out. Like the opener was the most important thing. You could say that it isn’t that important, it’s just an opener. But it is important, because it will influence your first impression. But it is what you make it. A great opener together with the right subcommunication like body language and such can make a women very attracted to you. The wrong opener could make the woman shoot you down ice cold.

As we say over and over again, what you say is not that important, it’s the way you say it. Still, I will give you some of my favorite openers in these posts.

And yes they are great! Of course they are great! You will get all the tools you need to open women right here!

Excited? You should be!

Some people prefer to use canned openers, others like to make them up on the fly.

I’ll give you some of both.

This first post will be about what I call The Natural Opener.

I have done a good deal of interviews with the best Norwegian pick up artists. Lars from a Norwegian pickup company Gode Vibber open women very naturally and that’s why i call it The Natural Opener. This opener is a very low key opener. It’s easy, and might be one of the best ways to open women, cause it’s so genuine and “normal”.

Another great thing about it is that I don’t have to do much work writing this down, just copy paste it right in for you! In Lars own words.

I asked Lars if he had any tips for guys who struggled with their opening game and since he wrote such a great answer I will give you the whole shablang. It’s pure gold.

The Natural Opener
You can open with anything as long as body language, voice, frame and context is good, but to kickstart those who struggle a bit I can dig a little deeper. I have been very active this last year trying to play the social norms to my advantage to minimize the possibilities for rejection, and my experience is that the best way to open, and the best tactic in the initial faze is to make it as easy as possible. “Hi, my name is <name>,” with a smile and to reach out my hand to shake hers. This kind of opener communicates “now we are going to get to know each other”, and is actually quite direct, but at the same time very innocent. A handshake is the official beginning of a conversation, so you “drag” her into a conversation with you. It would be rude of here to reject such an innocent and calibrated approach, and humans don’t like to stand out in a negative way. To further explain the “science” behind this:

A typical “The Game” PUA with 2 minute long openers, card tricks, advanced and time-consuming routines like “The Cube” and others, a way to peacocked style of clothes or other things that make him stand out a lot is more prone to rejections and congruence-test not only because it is socially acceptable for the girl to do it, but it is almost expected that she do it. Humans are, by nature, skeptical to everything that is different, so weirdoes and stand-outs are easy to shoot down and needs a lot of time to feel trust and comfort with. It’s the same with men that are drunk, sleazy, crude, vulgar and escalating way to uncalibrated. Girl are “not allowed” to be loose, or sluts, so no one would react negative if she rejects an stereotypical player or a stereotypical drunk Norwegian out on in a bar. Hun will also feel pressure to herself to reject those kind of people because of social norms and the danger of a slut-stamp.

I myself am a huge fan of a “confident nice guy” approach to girls. Compared to the example above, a guy who “fits in” after the normal standards of society and don’t stand out other then that he is confident and comfortable with the social pressure is harder to reject. To say hi to a girl og reach out your hand confidently, but nice and non-threatening is my favorite approach. Most people, also women, is nice and follow normal courtesy and manners. If she refuses to greet you then not only you, but everybody else, including her, will perceive her as impolite and socially uncalibrated. Its socially unacceptable and goes against all normal courtesy and manner to reject someone who hasn’t done anything “wrong”, someone who hasn’t given her a reason to reject him. You can get a long way by being the least possible “stereotypical pickup guy”. Those who say that most girls are bitchy and get a lot of negative responses are those who open and act in a way that gives the girls permission and reason to be bitchy.

If she shows any signs that she is going to turn around so ask a simple question so that she hears it, she will often feel obliged to answer. If she is about to walk away so talk a bit louder as if you are expecting her to stop and answer/continue the conversation. The questions don’t need to be more complicated then “do you live in the city”, “”are you studying”, “who are you out with” and so on. Normal courtesy and manners dictate that it is rude to interrupt or to walk in the middle of a conversation or a question, and I have noticed a lot of times that this can be exploited to pull them back inn if they are about to walk away. This is the part where strong intention comes in. The one with the strongest intentions will be the winner, that means that if your intention to stop and talk to a girl is stronger then that girls intention to go to the bathroom, to the bar, turn around to her friends and so on, then she will stop and respond to your approach. If I open a girl and she is on her way to leave, she can even tell me to my face that she is going back to her friends table, then I just ignore that sentence and keep on talking with a strong intention to continue the conversation. They stop in their tracks surprisingly often so you can continue, even in the middle of the street, as long as you “behave nicely”, and by that I mean to NOT give her a reason to eject.

This by being “normal” will minimize the chances to be rejected dramatically. I can’t remember the last time I got a negative response to my approach, and I am out every Friday and Saturday night talking to girls. The only things that reject me is bad timing like if she is talking to a friend she haven’t seen for years, if she is difficult positioned like sitting across a table while I am standing(hard to get in contact with), that she has a boyfriend or other external factors that I have no control over whatsoever. Pickup is about to stand out, but you need to stand out in a POSITIVE way, and you don’t need to do much to be considered a better catch than all those drunk monkeys that either throw themselves at the women or don’t even dear to approach them and only stare. By approaching in this way that I have just explained above you will get as much time as possible to show some personality and get her interested enough to keep on talking with you., preferably by getting her attracted to you. This is the best explanation I can make to explain the “be yourself” advice, to make it simple. It is by being your self you will meet women who you like that like you in return.

PS: To be used at getting a good response on your approaches is also the most effective and consistent way to reduce approach anxiety. Lots of good experiences = Used to good responses = Less fear of bad responses.

Ok guys, Lars is extremely reflected, his words are pure gold. I think you can actually bring this post to a goldsmith and get good money for it. If you do though, please give some of the money to Lars and me too. That’s just the fair thing to do you know.

You can read the next post in a couple of days. It’ll be my own Competition Opener.

Yours, Rockstar