ROCKSTAR-pickup

How to really like yourself and build self-esteem.

March 14, 2010 // 15 Comments »

Hola!

I wrote The Confident Man – article the other day and this is sort of a follow up.

I gave you something to model – the confident mans behavior.

I will dig deeper in this post.

This post will be about your self concept, you will learn why you’re conserned about what others think of you, you will learn how to like yourself and how to build self-esteem.

Is that great or what?!

When you’re picking up women, you can’t go along feeling inferior, unworthy or undeserving. You can’t be stopped by the fear you feel for social pressure. The women will know just by looking at you, and wooops, they’re off to find or be found by a more confident man.

If loosing the girl isn’t enough, low self-esteem will  lead to stress, pessimism, fearfulness, self-doubt and negativity.

If you don’t like yourself you will struggle to get other people to like you. No wonder…How can you expect to be liked if you don’t even like yourself?

I have two good news for you though.

1. You will always have the love from your mother.

2 . It’s possible to learn how to like yourself by keep reading this post and make a commitment to get this part of your life fixed asap.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

A huge mindset in pickup is “I don’t care what other people think about me”, because social pressure have to be dealt with and people who are comfortable under social pressure are attractive to women.

If you like a person, do you care what other people think of him? Me neither. I KNOW he’s a cool guy, I know I like him and nothing a person say can change that.

It’s the same when you like yourself! That’s core confidence!

So why are we so insecure about our self that we need others constant approval to feel good?

When you were a kid you quickly learned that if you didn’t do what your mum and dad expected of you, they would withdraw their love and approval, they would be angry and all negative about it. They would criticize and condemn, maybe even punish you physically to get you to do what they want.

So did a lot of other important people in your life. As the years passed by, your self-image, the way you see yourself and think about yourself, became more and more dependent upon the way you thought others saw you and thought about you. No wonder so many people get hypersensitive to the way people treats them and talks to them. Have you ever adjusted your behavior to get other people to like you, respect you or approve of you? I know I have.

Low self-esteem manifests itself into fear of rejection. Fear of rejection is NOT something you’re borned with, you learn it. When you were born you only had two fears: 1. The fear of falling and 2. the fear of loud noises. All the other fears you have in your life is learned by society.

To a greater or lesser degree, we all have fears and conserns about how people think about us. It’s normal. But some people care less. You know why? Because they are confident! They like them self! They know what they value and why, they know who they are.

Before I go into the steps to what you can do to change your self-image and self-esteem, I’ll explain the self-consept to you. Well, I’m not going to do it, I’ll let the seminar leader and author Brian Tracy do it instead(big influence on this article ):

Your self-concept is made up of three parts, each of which affects the others[...]

Your self-ideal is the person you most want to be, sometime in the future. Your self-ideal determines the directions of your life, of your growth and evolution as a person. Your self-image, on the other hand, determines the way you perform in the present. Your self-image is the way you see yourself now, today, at this moment. Your self-esteem is largely determined by the relationship between your self-image and your self-ideal, or the way you are performing in your day-to-day activities compared with the way you would be performing if you were the very best person you could possible be.

So to like yourself you have to be or act as your self-ideal. You see?

Sit down and find a pen and paper or do it on your computer. The hell with it, just tattoo it on your forehead.

SIX STEPS to like yourself and get better self-esteem

1. Find out who your self-ideal is. For example: Being positive, valuegiver, respectful, well fit. A tip is to picture yourself at your own funeral – how would you like people to remember you?

2. Write down what you can start doing to become that person.

For example: Being a valuegiver: I’m going to treat other people as though they are very valuable; I will do my best to make their day better, I will talk positive about others, even though they might not deserve it at all times. I will be generous with compliments. I’m going to try to see things from their perspective. And so on. And start DOING IT too, don’t just say you will, but do it.

3. Act as if you are your self-ideal, remember motion creates emotion – all actions have reactions: Make small steps, but make a commitment to actually do it every day. It’ll take about 21 days to establish a habit. This should be your aim. Do it as a mission for at least 21 days.

This will shorten the gap between your self-ideal and your self-image and you will start to like your self better:) One day you will BE you self-ideal.

4. Do the things you fear. Repeatedly. Feel the fear and do it anyway (title of a book on the subject). This is called “systematic desensitization”. It’s the best way to grow confidence and balls in any area of life. Fears are unlearned by repeated acts of courage in opposition to the responses of fear.- Brian Tracy. And one more thing: Rejection is NOT personal!

5. Never give up! If you fall off the horse, get your ass back up there. Never EVER give up. Be proud of your self for not giving up, knowing that failure is not real before you have given up. Failure is what you learn from. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work – Thomas A. Edison. And when you finally manage it, nothing will make you feel more confident. Positive experiences/outcomes builds self-esteem like nothing else.

6. Do affirmations every day.

Strangers are just extras in the movie about your life, so why give a damn about what others think of you, right?

Good luck pal!

Much love,

Fredrik Worren

PS! If you like this article, please do me a favour and share this with your friends. Press the button below. Thanks

Posted in Self help, Various tips

The Confident Man

March 5, 2010 // 3 Comments »

Hey guys!

Ever heard about the confident man?

You have?

I’ll tell you about him anyway!

This is the man with all the girls around him. He’s the guy all the other guys are trying to impress and get recognition from. It’s something about him that makes other people react to him, that makes other people either want to be him or be with him.

Now how come this guy gets all this attention? Well, because he’s confident. That is one of the big things girls get attracted to – Confidence…

You hear the women say this all the time: I want a confident man!

Confidence comes from positive feedback. Confidence is the knowing of positive outcome or the lack of fear of a negative outcome. If you get burned you will stay away from fire. If you get rewarded (positive feedback) when you do a backflip, you will keep doing it. Right?

You have situational confidence which is confidence in specific situations. Like the pokerplayer who is feeling like a king when he is playing poker or hangs in a casino. Or the bartender who pulls girls when he is working at his own bar, but not when he goes to other bars.

And you have core confidence which is when people feel confident in general. They know and trust themself and know they can learn and do what other people can. If they fail they don’t quit because they know they will accomplish it as long as they don’t give up.

Let me tell you a bit more about our confident man. I love this guy. He is so sure of himself that I trust him too. Either he wants to or not he is a leader. Because people follow confidence. It’s a lot of  security in confidence. And what does women look for? SECURITY! She wants to feel safe with a guy.That doesn’t necessarily mean muscles, it just means a guy who knows what he is doing and has people on his side.

But ok, let’s take a closer look at his behavior:

He talks loud and clear.

He is used to have an audience. People wants to hear what he has to say and he knows it.

His body language is open and relaxed, he takes up room and he has a straight posture, head up high and leans back.

He is comfortable with attention, he wants to be seen and has no reason to hide. He’s used to people coming to him, not the other way around.

He has a smile on his face.

He’s happy. Why shouldn’t he be? The world is good to him, that is at least how he looks at it, that is why he is confident.

He is playful and has a good time

Everybody wants to have fun, and the confident man knows that he can make things fun at all times, because people find confident people funny. He’s so comfortable being himself that he’s not embarrassed over he’s  inner child.

He doesn’t brag or try to impress anyone.

Why should he? Only insecure people do that. He don’t care if people like him or not, he already got everything he need in life. He lives in abundance. He knows he is valuable and doesn’t need other people to validate him.

He doesn’t put girls on a high horse.

I already told you, he doesn’t care. His cup is already full, he has all the girls he need in his life and he know they fart too. They aren’t that special. They should put HIM on the high horse.

He says what he means

HE DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF HIM! He doesn’t need people to like him.

He has boundaries

He will not let anyone walk over him, he know he can take care of himself, he respect himself and therefore others should too.

He takes action when he wants something

He knows that if he wants something he might as well go get it, because more often than not he will succeed. He might feal the fear when he’s approaching a girl, but he does it anyway. That’s the story of his life; when he feels irrational fear, he does it anyway.

He is not reactive

In his reality everybody that is worth knowing likes him, so why should he react to other people, they react to him. He knows himself, so he don’t care what other people say about him or think about him. Why would he try to get people to understand him? What is the point? That is not his problem.

He likes social pressure

He enjoys to be the center of attention. He gets positive reactions when he is, so instead of being scared of it, he wants it. It’s like he feeds on it.

He leads people and situations

He is used to be followed by others, he is used to people looking up to him and want him to decide the next step.

++

Now why would I write about this amazing man on this blog?

Because I want you to become this man. This man is in you. You just have to let him out.

If you act and behave like a jerk, does that make you a jerk? Yes! You know why? Because you will feel like a jerk and people will treat you like a jerk.

If you act and behave like the confident man, will this principle still apply? YES! Of course. Motion creates emotion.What do you think will happen if you act and behave like the confident man? Women will be attracted to you! For sure!

Fake it till you make it!

Good luck champ!

PS! If you like this article you will probably love this one: How to really like yourself and build self-esteem.

Yours

RoCkStaR! <3

Posted in Attraction, Various tips