ROCKSTAR-pickup

How to really like yourself and build self-esteem.

March 14, 2010 // 15 Comments »

Hola!

I wrote The Confident Man – article the other day and this is sort of a follow up.

I gave you something to model – the confident mans behavior.

I will dig deeper in this post.

This post will be about your self concept, you will learn why you’re conserned about what others think of you, you will learn how to like yourself and how to build self-esteem.

Is that great or what?!

When you’re picking up women, you can’t go along feeling inferior, unworthy or undeserving. You can’t be stopped by the fear you feel for social pressure. The women will know just by looking at you, and wooops, they’re off to find or be found by a more confident man.

If loosing the girl isn’t enough, low self-esteem will  lead to stress, pessimism, fearfulness, self-doubt and negativity.

If you don’t like yourself you will struggle to get other people to like you. No wonder…How can you expect to be liked if you don’t even like yourself?

I have two good news for you though.

1. You will always have the love from your mother.

2 . It’s possible to learn how to like yourself by keep reading this post and make a commitment to get this part of your life fixed asap.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

A huge mindset in pickup is “I don’t care what other people think about me”, because social pressure have to be dealt with and people who are comfortable under social pressure are attractive to women.

If you like a person, do you care what other people think of him? Me neither. I KNOW he’s a cool guy, I know I like him and nothing a person say can change that.

It’s the same when you like yourself! That’s core confidence!

So why are we so insecure about our self that we need others constant approval to feel good?

When you were a kid you quickly learned that if you didn’t do what your mum and dad expected of you, they would withdraw their love and approval, they would be angry and all negative about it. They would criticize and condemn, maybe even punish you physically to get you to do what they want.

So did a lot of other important people in your life. As the years passed by, your self-image, the way you see yourself and think about yourself, became more and more dependent upon the way you thought others saw you and thought about you. No wonder so many people get hypersensitive to the way people treats them and talks to them. Have you ever adjusted your behavior to get other people to like you, respect you or approve of you? I know I have.

Low self-esteem manifests itself into fear of rejection. Fear of rejection is NOT something you’re borned with, you learn it. When you were born you only had two fears: 1. The fear of falling and 2. the fear of loud noises. All the other fears you have in your life is learned by society.

To a greater or lesser degree, we all have fears and conserns about how people think about us. It’s normal. But some people care less. You know why? Because they are confident! They like them self! They know what they value and why, they know who they are.

Before I go into the steps to what you can do to change your self-image and self-esteem, I’ll explain the self-consept to you. Well, I’m not going to do it, I’ll let the seminar leader and author Brian Tracy do it instead(big influence on this article ):

Your self-concept is made up of three parts, each of which affects the others[...]

Your self-ideal is the person you most want to be, sometime in the future. Your self-ideal determines the directions of your life, of your growth and evolution as a person. Your self-image, on the other hand, determines the way you perform in the present. Your self-image is the way you see yourself now, today, at this moment. Your self-esteem is largely determined by the relationship between your self-image and your self-ideal, or the way you are performing in your day-to-day activities compared with the way you would be performing if you were the very best person you could possible be.

So to like yourself you have to be or act as your self-ideal. You see?

Sit down and find a pen and paper or do it on your computer. The hell with it, just tattoo it on your forehead.

SIX STEPS to like yourself and get better self-esteem

1. Find out who your self-ideal is. For example: Being positive, valuegiver, respectful, well fit. A tip is to picture yourself at your own funeral – how would you like people to remember you?

2. Write down what you can start doing to become that person.

For example: Being a valuegiver: I’m going to treat other people as though they are very valuable; I will do my best to make their day better, I will talk positive about others, even though they might not deserve it at all times. I will be generous with compliments. I’m going to try to see things from their perspective. And so on. And start DOING IT too, don’t just say you will, but do it.

3. Act as if you are your self-ideal, remember motion creates emotion – all actions have reactions: Make small steps, but make a commitment to actually do it every day. It’ll take about 21 days to establish a habit. This should be your aim. Do it as a mission for at least 21 days.

This will shorten the gap between your self-ideal and your self-image and you will start to like your self better:) One day you will BE you self-ideal.

4. Do the things you fear. Repeatedly. Feel the fear and do it anyway (title of a book on the subject). This is called “systematic desensitization”. It’s the best way to grow confidence and balls in any area of life. Fears are unlearned by repeated acts of courage in opposition to the responses of fear.- Brian Tracy. And one more thing: Rejection is NOT personal!

5. Never give up! If you fall off the horse, get your ass back up there. Never EVER give up. Be proud of your self for not giving up, knowing that failure is not real before you have given up. Failure is what you learn from. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work – Thomas A. Edison. And when you finally manage it, nothing will make you feel more confident. Positive experiences/outcomes builds self-esteem like nothing else.

6. Do affirmations every day.

Strangers are just extras in the movie about your life, so why give a damn about what others think of you, right?

Good luck pal!

Much love,

Fredrik Worren

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Posted in Self help, Various tips

These are the qualities women get attracted to

March 10, 2010 // 2 Comments »

Welcome friend!

Today, I though I should be nice and give you a little post about attraction.

There are some men who attract more women than others. And it is not because they have more digits in their bank account or because they have thicker and fuller hair than other men, but because they are proud holders of certain qualities women are attracted to.

I will go quickly through each of these qualities, and save the one I think is most important to the end. The day it went up for me how important this particular quality was, was the day I took my game to new heights and were more successful than I had ever been before.

I’ll try to keep this article as short and precise as possible. I want to go through the male qualities that I think is most important when it comes to attraction. There is other factors and qualities than I will mention here, but this is the most important ones.

Acquire these qualities and you will attract women like candy attracts kids.

These qualities are something that subcommunicates through body language and facial expressions as well as through what you say and actively doing.
Should we just jump to it then?

Follow me! Let me lead you through these amazing qualities girls love.

First out is …

* Social intelligence

Yep, this is a nice quality. This is unfortunately not something you can learn that easy by reading a text or hear a speach, but you have to learn it the hard way. Through trial and error by being social. It’s about understanding other people, understand that when you say or do A – B happens. Calibration. Empathy. It is as much about self-understanding as to understand the social game. Are many good examples of lack of self-knowledge in the more or less fantastic show Idol.

Social intelligence is something you learn by being with people, of communicating with other people. Being able to interpret the signals people send out, understand when you have made a fool out of your self and when you have done something right. The ability to read people, understand the emotion that is communicated. Degree of self-knowledge and level of understanding of irony and sarcasm, are two good ways to “measure” social intelligence. Typical features for people with poor social intelligence is precisely the lack of understanding of irony and sarcasm.

* Self-Esteem

Wasn’t exactly a bomb being dropped, was it? Ask any girl about what they like most in a boy and most of them respond self-confidence. Self-confidence is very attractive and one of the most important qualities you need to attract a woman. Without this, you are chanceless. You must believe in yourself, love yourself, for others to believe in you and love you. How can you expect that others believe in you if you do not believe in yourself? Self-confidence is something you have inside, but manifest itselves on the outside, through body language and actions. Self-confidence is about how you think about yourself. Believe in yourself.

Do not compare yourself with others. Find out who you are and what you stand for and trust in yourself, and you’re there. Easier said than done, but this comes with the right attitudes and ways of thinking.

* Social proof / Social Status

This is important. Who do you trust the most, one who is loved by many friends, or one that is out there alone without knowing anyone? If people see that others like you, they will be curious about you and have a positive attitude to you as a starting point. People notice how other people react to you and creates a picture of you on this basis. This is something all people understand more or less consciously. Therefore, we are all so damn afraid of not being liked. Therefore, we care about what others think about us. This effect can created in the venues by being very social and talk to everyone. After a while it looks as if you know the whole night club.

Check out this video about “lording”.

Very powerful to take advantage of this when you’re out sarging. Something that brings me over to Preselection, or being pre-selected by others. A huge part of attraction. Being pre-selected by other women is very attractive. You will get this effect when you are seen with women who like you, smiles at you and such.

Walk around with the ladies on you arm and show off a bit, this will make sets open up like [insert one or another analogy for the things that open up without a shred of resistance]. Are you in a bar with two women who tries to flirt with you, other women assume that you are THE MAN and will be attracted. As simple as that.  This is something I use a lot when I’m out. I open a set, take a women in each arm and wander around in the club to “show off”. When I open the woman I really like later, she will be attracted before I have time to say hello.

* The ability to cope with social pressure

This is alpha and omega. This is what pickup artists working on constantly. When you’re out sarging, social pressure will shoot in from all directions. It’s the feeling you get when someone considers you, judge you, looks at you. It’s about time to forget all about this. It’s about not caring what others think about you. If you get affected by social pressure all the time, it means you’re probably not a confident man. When women shit test you, it is to test you, to see if you are the cool attractive guy you’re claiming to be. The way they do this is by putting you under social pressure. For example, they may ask you to leave as soon as you open up your mouth, or they could ask you whether or not you have a big dick, if you can buy them a drink, watch their jacket and so on. If a girl is able to make you reactive, how the hell can you be strong enough to take care of her in the ugly world we live in? If you’re not affected by social pressure, it means either that you are crazy, or that you are a mentally strong person who knows who he is and not care what others think. You are steady as a rock. Approach anxiety = fear of social pressure. It is important to challenge yourself constantly. Do things you normally would not do. Sing karaoke. Allready singing? Well, sing karaoke sober then. Talk to an audience. Put yourself in the spotlight. Learn to love social pressure. That’s why women like men who stand out, both in a simplified way and socially, because it means they can handle social pressure. If you stand out you will be exposed to social pressures. You should not worry about what others think about you.

Test yourself on this. Jonas, a friend of mine held a spontaneous speech in the Parliament. Another one I know read a porn magazine on the train, quite openly, just to push themselves out of the comfort zone(I’m not saying that you must read porn and provoke people). If you do not do things that you are a little afraid of, you will not develop. Check this out, this is extreme in this area:

You wont develop yourself in your comfort zone. It’s about being comfortable in all settings. Can you do this, you have won. I repeat: Fuck WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOU.

* The ability to lead

The main feature I would say is the ability to lead. What makes an alpha male in a wolf pack? Who fucks the most in a wolf pack? The alpha male! Be the leader and you get the ladies. Easy. Be the one who takes decisions, be the one with people around you who reacts to what you do. Leading is not just about being the one who makes decisions on a superficial level, there are many ways to lead. I know doormen who pulls women as hell at work, but not otherwise. Why? Several reasons for this, but one of them is that they are leaders when they are at work. People react to them. They have control and take decisions.

Control conversations

Lead conversations. It does not mean you should be the one who speaks all the time or that you should never let others talk about what they want, but be the one who controls the conversation. If you lose control, a great way towin it back is to ask questions. The one who asks questions is in control. Another tip is to soak people into your reality by talking about things you like. Enthusiasm always get the upper hand.

Teach the girl things

Teach the woman something new. This can be something as simple as teaching her thumb war. When you teach something you lead. Find something fun you can teach girls.  Something physical is good, so you can be a little dominant and get the kino(touch) going.

Lead women physically

Drag the girl around with you, show her places, introduce her to people. Take your arm around her shoulder. This is dominant behavior and most women responds positive to this.

Lead yourself

Show that you have control of yourself and your life. A man who can not lead himself can not lead others. Take care of yourself. Know who you are and what you want. This is perhaps the most important about leading yourself. Without this you will struggle to lead others. Who will follow someone who doesn’t know where to go?

Create situations

Be the person who creates things around you. Create hustle and bustle, interesting discussions, laughter and emotions in others. For example, when someone tell you a joke that makes you laugh, they lead your emotions. It’s pretty sexy.

Take responsibility

Take responsibility for everything about the adventure you and the girl have. Women like to say that things just happened. Do not put the responsibility in the hands of the woman.  If you ask the girl to come home with you, you give her the responsibility, which is not good. Just say “Let’s go” instead of asking. That is leading. Now assume that she follows, because you are a leader and leaders are accustomed to people following them. A leader is responsible. Do not put the blame on others, complaine or whine . You are responsible.

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Is this qualities of yours? Sit down and write down what you have and what you lack in these areas. Then write down what you can do to improve. The potential lies within you. You can be the man with these qualities. Now it’s not like you must have ALL these qualities to attract the ladies, but to be really good and attract the ideal woman as you probably want to do …you have to become… yes you guessed it –> the ideal man.

Remember, it’s not your body that is the primary tool to attract girls, it’s your brain!

Happy hunting

Posted in Attraction